My Life In Dust
Part 1
My Life In Dust Starring Vasculitis And Other Pish Things
I thought that I would relate to you this tale. It is a brief histoty of my life in The Dust How I came to be in this mess,My eventual discovery's about the old Dust and the purpose of this Blog
I hope it amuses you, but what I really hope for is that it Makes You Aware ,This is written in my native tongue Sottish Rambling Gibberish .
I left school at 15 to work as a printer,fantastic job every one said. Bit boring thinks I
I enjoyed letterpress printing ,was in charge of two massive Hiedelberg letterpresses I also enjoyed the typesetting.
Technology struck and litho machines were introduced. the job now entailed fitting a litho sheet to the drum,filling the wells with ink then watch the counter in reverse
I suppose I had just turned 16 ,had enough of that shite.
I walked round the corner one Friday and saw some old school friends going in to a large building companies office for their wages, They finished at three o'clock on a Friday,I worked until 5.00. Good enough reason for me
" They are looking forApprentice Masons " they said," Whats a mason" says I ."my Uncle Willie is a mason think he lays bricks." So popped inside, Start a week on Monday,Loved it,Big climbing frames to play on, lifting big heavy things,I got my own tool bag and my own nice clean tools. I also had an alcoholic journeyman who taught me how to start drinking from 11.00 till 2.00 ,then 5.30 till Blaa...aah .But boy he new what to do with a lump of rock. I was fascinated,I loved battering the living daylights out of rocks,I loved piling them up ,turning a pile of old rubbish in to a magnificent structure.
The Old Yin took me everywhere with him,suppose he had to ,I kept his emergency drink five pound note for him as his misses would have dipped it out of his pocket when he came home meraculous .He thought the sun shone from my nether regions , always praised me at the office but problems were afoot.
It was a five year apprenticeship, I was indentured so had to go to College. Was not for me
Back then it was one day release a week and one night 5.30 till 9.00.I was well happy by 5.30 had to keep the Old Yin Company , I considered my Thursday as a day off to do whatever I pleased. so when I was about Eighteen and one half or three quarters I was summoned to the directors office,had done the managers office about three times previously.The ultimatum was finally given.Go to college, catch up or else.He was serious this time.
The Old Yin and myself fix Stonehenge....Happy Days
This was just about the August time ,Just before the college started back ,I had a weeks holiday and a brand new motor bike. Byeee all, thanks for having me I shall return in a week, not.
So ended up on holiday Down Souff. lived in Brighton where I saw some Scottish guys working on a large sea front Hotel,went for a pint with them, met their very nice Welsh boss,start Monday.
Never looked back.I was paid full wages plus bonus,got my own pad,and a bigger motorbike.
had a ball ,played rugger twice a week then got sozzled,partied every Saturday and Sunday nights,had to much cash and spent it. The Sunday night clubbing was my downfall,when I was just over twenty ,I slept in for Work one Monday afternoon ,did not get in till 3.00am it was now 9.30am ,bugger ,late. Jumped on the machine ,hammered it round the Goldstone Road bang side on , I was 18 months late for work.
My very favourite machine The Triumph Tiger TR7. I never got round to make the last payment on that for some reason
Came home to Scotland,was not fit to do much.The crutches were a bit of a drawback ,the leather and steel neck brace prevented jovial laughter and the pins in my arm were itchy to say the least.
I had to stay with friends for a while .but some months later got mobile,then got digs. Did not get out often ,but one sorry night I met the most wonderful person in the world ,sitting ,next to her was the person I married. Only Kidding .
We got a flat and settled down.Still unable to do heavy work I went to College,yip College couldn't believe that one myself,studied construction, then bugger me who is at the college but my old bosses wife from Doun Souff, with her Dad, a manager for a large masonry company up here,She tells him this,He tells me that,the conversation ends up Start in the yard ,lighter work ,and he says ,and you can still go to college,we will even put you through your degree,and you can work for us ,we need surveyors. Okidoki, Wowsers that's for me.so off i goes again Learned new skills,loved College,could not stop.learning but had to ,for the first time I needed cash,and lots of it.Trouble had arrived
Two beautiful growing hungry kids later, I was out on my own,I managed to procure local work for years worked on everything,New Builds,Restoration Works,Conservation Sleep ins.
Then I got in toe with a very clever, very strange, very eccentric Architect Mr Maddo and his dubious contracts manager friend Mr Plump
My very good friend,benifactor and eccentric architect The Fabulous.... Mr Maddo Bampot
Do you like my drawings ,DO YOU? I like them also,so much in fact I think that I shall
CHANGE THEM !!...The walls are in the wrong place now,I have moved them about in my own mind,is that not just wonderful ,WE can physically move them all around in another dimension now, can't WE, fabulous,FABULOUS !!! why don't WE try building a large stone wall over here now, nope, I' ve moved it again ,HAVEN'T WE
The money was good,but all there work was for rich people who lived in nowhere land.After
I am OFFSKI Mr Maddo .....Please don't hesitate not to call....Byeeeeee
The Promised Land Beckons, the land of tattoos and Men in Black
A year and a bit later NZ is a goer again, starts to prepare ,sells the house,buys a doer- upper,and goes for the once over for Christchurch,a few weeks passed,and I gets a phone call from the doctor, He says "your results are back from your medical could you come and see me" No problemo ,will see you soon, "No now he says,today" OK see you later nice doctor,thinks nothing of it.gets in to the late surgery,sits down ,long chat,big medical words,blaa blaa,"so In layman's terms" please I said .so he replies in medicinewords "There is something seriously fucked up in your blood ,go for more tests now" fine says I you twatt nothing wrong with me apart from a hangover,I was starting to feel a bit tired, but carried on working with The Maddo fellow, cutting up and building rocks. Sold the house and moved to the do-er upper opportunity that would be done up while we were working over in the promised land...Sorted...
Then bingo,I was carrying the very last lintol for the Maddo's job up a ladder, on my shoulder,when the ladder slid sideways, We,the lintol and I rolled on to the flat roof .then I landed back first on a roof light up stand ,with my hand under the lintol which was now semi upright ,then I watched it in slow motion fall and land on my shoulder.
I got a lift home that day from the roofers.
I did not feel to good for a day or three after but we were in the process of moving house,my Fantastic person had to handle a lot of the removal bit herself.
Our new abode. We decided to keep the roof elsewhere for the time being,and that half the chimney was best left in the garden for now
We moved successfully ,but I was feeling very unwell by this time. So goes to see the new doctor and tells him about my bounce,and that I have not felt terribly well since that exact moment, he gets my records and says "your neck is fucked,go to neurosurgery many miles away", I says to the halfwit,"have been to neurosurgery ,know about me old neck ,I have different soreness and it is in my back " you twatt. So goes to the Nueros anyway ,they do many scans and nerve conduction tests. I also go to Orthopaedics and see the most wonderful doctor who calls me an Enigma, she says after many scans of all kinds and multi Xrays you have Arthur Eyetis in your shoulder but your arms ,shoulder and neck are inflamed,you have Carpal Tunnel in your wrists ,and the old white finger,but I would like you to see a vascular specialist,I will write to your doctor for referral ".Thank you very much most kind lady" says I and again waits,Me old arm was on fire by this time and I was turning blue,face hands,could not move by this time,spent most of the day in a chair in much distress.
Fantastic machines I got to try every one in every hospital .... Because I have .. ENIGMA ? Eh!
The most wonderful person in the world has had enough by this time,she had never seen me in this nick before,neither drunk or in a semi state of conciousness.so drags me to the doctor
,I again says that I am feeling very fucking unwell ,and that he might notice that I have now turned purple,and have yellow eyes..Me hander explains that I have become progressively fuckter.
Then the good doctor asks her if she had a degree in medicine,in his opinion my neck is fucked end off,No vascular specialist ,go away ...Much screaming and shouting later from the fantastic lady and we now have an appointment with another doctor in three weeks time as him Dr Fuckwit is adamant that his diagnosis is correct and that it is my neck that is fucked. OK not ,thank you very much.... fuck you dull cunt.Take that ,biff,ouch byeee
What you are suffering from is Much Wellness Syndrome and a Fucked Neck ,watch my lips I am never wrong,I have a correspondence course degree in medicine from
The Frankenstein School of Witchcraft Where as. You only have your tiny mind which you are out of... Go Now and take this nothing twice a day ,I prescribe nothing ha ha ha ha----haa ha
Three weeks later it was the slow walk, could hardly move,I sees the other doctor,he puts a thing on my finger and says your fine,Eh ?? But..But.. I am purple and cant get out off my chair?
It is nearly Xmas I've now spent 18 months of becoming progressively more knackered.I do not want to spoil things at this time of year ,but Mrs wonderful sees all, the doctors are closed for the holidays,I do not feel well enough to go to A and E so will wait. Gets an emergency appointment to see the Dr Twatt first day opening after the holidays.by this time I have blood running out my jacksy,I am very purple,hands are white ,toes are blue,yellow rings round my eyes ,plus a red unbelievably sore left eye,and I am still sweating buckets every night,sleeping on towels sweating. He says "OK you have an irritable bowel I will book you a bowel scan" .Thank you very much.. I says ,thinking you are worse than that other cunt,how longs that going to take dickless,cause I am fucked.
Two and a half weeks later ,gets to the hospital for the scan and just fell down,splat!!!!!gets stuck on a trolley jumps the queue ,the very nice bowel doctor starts the ultrasound scan ,then says jings and goes for help,In comes the lung guy, wowsers lets have another Xray.
Fan and Shit were hit You got pneumonia boy ,I think we will drain your lung",thanks very much" says I "drain away".. they took some blood....Crikey you've got Sepsis boy, "thanks very much" says I "what now ?".. "just go home and we will send you to another place for a biopsy, just a big needle very quick ,no hurt,you will be in and out " OK Thank you very much Says I
Wow ,What you have there is some serious fucked upness,think you should stay with us for a while Mr Enigma,we would like to experiment on you. Haaaaa....haaa..haa.ha Get the BIG syringe please nurse haaaa ....haaa ..haaaa
Three weeks later and now cured, I am sicker than ever,goes for the needle biopsy and wakes up with tubes every where, no idea what's happening.In comes very nice Mrs Specialist and says
"That will be your lung drained then,you had some healed fractured ribs so we took one out while your lung was deflated for the biopsy also while your lung was deflated we just took another half rib for a bone biopsy.That is why you now have that foot long lesion across your back, and it will hurt for a while..".Thank you very much" says I... "Is that why I am still purple".., "No she says that is probably the lung adhesions we could not get them all of during deflation,you ribs have been making your lung bleed and it has been sticking to your chest wall" Eh!!!! Fantastic,is that me better now then?
That will be number two tube then,surely there can't be any stuff left in there? Can I go now that pump is doing my nut in. Eh and whits this all about , the sawing out of the ribs bit cunt ?
Two days later,after release my eye is scarlet very mucho non stop soreness ouch...I is very purple indeed,must go to the respiratory man...He says you must go to the eye man first,The eye man looks long and hard ,pokes and prods ,"quite sore" I says,"Very rare" he says,"you have Scleritis,very rare."
I says" I think my doctor is a cunt,I think I have Lymes disease ...I got bitten lots from the ticks up North" He says ,"could be, take these lots of steroids and come back next week ".
" OK thanks very much "says I
Aha what you have there is called Very Rare, it as also known as Very Fucking Sorness
There is nothing we can do to stop the pain ,Haaaaa---HAAA .but you will enjoy zis I am sure.
Go now and take massive doses of steroids THEN...... come back
Meanwhile at the respiratory ,the results are back, "Things in your lung ,nodules but they are stable silica and asbestos dust scars,you have lung adhesions and fluid on the lung,but your rib biopsy was clear"..."Thank you very much" says I "can I have my ribs back now.Is that why I am still blue and fucked the".....No he says more tests...Super cant wait,I am not purple now the steroids are good,
Some much more tests later and the steroids cut down, the mucho sore eye is back,I cant get out a chair... am now Ri Binna man,purple.
looks again on the net, goes to see Mr lung and says" With all my symptoms I reckon that I have Polyarterius Nodosa".. he says"Your blood says that you have something seriously fucked up in it,were going to do more tests"...Dr Eye says" Very bad sir ,have more steroids come back next week"
One month later at Dr lungs gaff.." Well I think we have sussed it" he says "You have
Churg -Strauss syndrome, its very rare"He says confidently to me.."fuck of dick head "says I ,
"I do not and never have had asthma,so just shut up now"...He went all quiet..."I have looked all that up on the net senior doctor,told you what I have,but it is another ANCA Vasculitis"
"OK I agree then go and see the Renal People." says Dr Lung
Emergency now,gets up there to see Dr Renal ,he takes one look at me,asks for some piss,takes some blood, looks at other results ,ten minutes later says you have ANCA Vasculitis, "Thank you very much" says I..."We would like to do a biopsy to see what kind it is "..."Wait a fuckin minute" I says "No its OK we will just stick a big needle in your kidney and take a little bit"... Alright OK Then....In I goes ,gets my blood pressure lowered,needle in biopsy done two days later go home.
Next Wednesday phone goes ,please come in for a visit, tomorrow OK... gets in .right he says "You have Microscopic Anca Vasculitis,but there is more, it has been at work"..great I says ,
Then he tells me there is lots of big words wrong with me also now like.Peripheral Vascular Disease, polyps in the intestine and colon,osteoporosis,Reynauds syndrome and more,
fantastic, is that me better now ? well no we would like you to take masses of drugs for a few months if that does not work we would like to give you some real nasty stuff ,that should shift it.come to the clinic once a fortnight to be monitored ,Now go and see Dr vascular man and Mrs Rhuematology lady.They will do more tesrs. Also we would like you to participate in our Medical Research Programme........ OK...... thank you very ,much says I.
Vee have now downstairs ze Mister Enigma for ze testing haaa...hhaaa I have firstly some bits from him here,now zat ve have cutten off earlier , vee vil get more bits SOON.. Haaaa...haaaaaaa.
Starts to go to the clinic and sees some very familiar faces, they are busy so do not mention any thing, then goes outside and sees this not well looking familiar face,jings its me old mucker.
he has this also, chat chat,Discover that the place is full of stone masons, all with vasculitis. all with dust scars on the lung,all fucked.
I make some more enquiries to find out that half the stone masonry population in the area has one or another kind of autoimmune disease, bugger me
We all meet regularly and wile away the time,chatting in the the hospital car park
That is how this blog came about
THIS IS WHAT THESE RAMBLINGS ARE ALL ABOUT.
TO MAKE YOU ALL AWARE OF THIS,WEIRD SHIT IN THE BLOOD THING
I still get regular treatment,the hospital is full of sick,some very sick stone masons, and nobody is interested
I am going to try and change that.
PLEASE HELP ME TO SPREAD THE WORD.
If we all pull together we can force action on this matter.
AND WEAR A FUCKIN MASK
a check-list for you and your doctor
http://www.sclero.org/scleroderma/symptoms/a-to-z.html
Part 2
I Love A Biopsy
Another Jolly Tale of Hospital Parties and Joviality
The run up to the Event
Including live pictures as it happened in real life
with my exact thoughts on the moment
Party On Dudes
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| He says its just a needle like the other one ,they will just stick it in.. take a wee bit... then home you go toddle off,happy all better,thank you very much ,says I |
Last Christmas I did Not Feel Terribly Well ,I was Purple,bloated,with yellow rings round my eyes,I had a very sore ,very red left eye, was sweating gallons at night ,could hardly walk.
My very clever doctor Twatt decided using the plastic thing on the finger method,that I was super fit ,not even a blood pressure or stethoscope listen,when I mentioned the gurgling lung and the blood pishing out of my arse he came to the astonishing conclusion I had an irritable bowel EH??I had irritation alright but it was not in my fuckin bowel,so he booked me a scan at the hospital.Iwas to knackered to argue,Super I can't Wait .
End of February scan day I is buggerd,I gets to the hospital books in then.. bash.. bang..ouch aargh.. bounce of the floor,so gets to jump the queue. trolley in ,sees Dr Bowel she does the bowel scan ,says eeeeek,nips out gets Dr Lung ,he has a wee scan and says eeeek
.I am full of confidence now. An X ray later Dr lung says "you are not very well sicko what youv'e got there is Pneumonia, think you should stay and we will drain your lung " Super says I, carry on doctor dude.
Dr Scary.... A thoroughly nice chap with an affinity towards bilge pumps and large needles
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| Ho....Ho.Ho. Mr Enigma this won;t hurt a bit... stab...ouch......Music please nurse and the BIG syringe ha ha ha ,jolly good ,sook..sook..gurgle..shall we leave some for later,? fine by me your derangedship ,plunge away sir,enjoy yourself,says I |
Then he takes some blood (well not him personally the phlobbobbobotonist did that)
Then in comes Dr Scary cunt and says"ho ho ho, you no what you've got there ,ho ho you have Sepsis Mr Enigma"." Is that why I've been clenching my teeth then" "Could be" says Dr Scarry
Then he pulls out the plumbers bag with the bilge pump and plunger,and says " ho ho you will not feel a thing ho ho ,the BIG syringe nurse ) eeeeeek !!!!, sook ,sook,pump pump ,ho ho ho,"best leave a drop in Eh" he rants...." If you say so your madness fine with me,I have a foot long needle sticking out my back ,I will co-operate nice man doctor your highness
"Is that me better now " says I..."Could be says "Scarry lung " but I would like you to go up to the very big place for a biopsy, it will just be a needle,a bit bigger than this one ,they will just take a little bit , then you can go home" .."And that will be it " Says I Thank you very much.
The next week I gets a phone call,we would like you to come in for a visit,OK says I,and bring an overnight bag,EH?" What's the overnight bag for ?" says I. "Oh it's nothing to worry about we would just like to do a scan and run some tests Mr Enigma so you will be in for the night " says the very nice lady...OK says I.. Thank you very much,see you tommorow
So I gets to the big place,books in ,gets drained of blood by the jovial Mr Plobbobobbobotinist
He was telling me how he used to be a theatre nurse ,and his amusing tales from the operating theatre of carnage and mutilation. "thats cheered me up no end you psyhco fucker I am now looking forward to this big needle"
Next another scan ,just the little doughunt this time,and the very nice nurse says your procedure will be tomorrow,I waits.Then in comes Specialist Mrs Glum Lung "Hello I am DR Glum,I have looked at your scan and we have decided to probe a bit deeper It will just be a small incision to access the pluera and take a sample of tissue, but we will need to Knock you out for a while" she says glumly.. EH!!! " what's with the knocking out bit and what's a small chib Glum lady?" says I. ... Glum Lung replies," it will be a five centimetre incision just enough to get the tube in for the camera, we will take a small sample then drain off the shit, just sign this piece of paper .We will come for you first thing in the morning ".." Looking forward to it" ..Says I..cant wait
Next morning myself and my bed are winged downstairs into the cold room with no windows., yap yap ,to the very strange theatre nurses ,in comes. Mr Anaesthetic....HO HO ,Happiness and joviality ,golf golf golf talk... then we will knock you out... Do not worry ,it won't take long....I Tee off in an two hours at the posh golf rink HO HO whistle ..whistle.
Next... IN COMES DR SLAUGHTER .....eeeeeck!!!! gloves ,mask ,gin and tonic the lot .He gives me the long stare and says in a very posh accent " What leg is coming off...
HA HA " chocks away..spiffing ..slurp ..slurp
Right I am not calm now .I am out of here cunt..The Mr Slaughter replies." Do not perspire sir, Do not worry never fear all your bad bits will be out of here" ...and points to my head eeeeeeck!! Then it was count backwards from ten...Ten lights out, byee
The next thing I remember is the wee room with no windows,where am I ? Who , What, Where? Not sure? What's happening ? What's that noise ? recognised the toes
The next week I gets a phone call,we would like you to come in for a visit,OK says I,and bring an overnight bag,EH?" What's the overnight bag for ?" says I. "Oh it's nothing to worry about we would just like to do a scan and run some tests Mr Enigma so you will be in for the night " says the very nice lady...OK says I.. Thank you very much,see you tommorow
So I gets to the big place,books in ,gets drained of blood by the jovial Mr Plobbobobbobotinist
He was telling me how he used to be a theatre nurse ,and his amusing tales from the operating theatre of carnage and mutilation. "thats cheered me up no end you psyhco fucker I am now looking forward to this big needle"
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| I am Dr Glum Lung Mr Enigma ,stop crying you are in the big hospital now,not the baby hospital, we do not do syringes here,we cut and slice,It will only be a nick, you will never notice it,just calm down and sign this bit of paper,that says if you die under anaesthetic we can cut you up and put your bits in a jar. OK... Says I.. slice away |
Next another scan ,just the little doughunt this time,and the very nice nurse says your procedure will be tomorrow,I waits.Then in comes Specialist Mrs Glum Lung "Hello I am DR Glum,I have looked at your scan and we have decided to probe a bit deeper It will just be a small incision to access the pluera and take a sample of tissue, but we will need to Knock you out for a while" she says glumly.. EH!!! " what's with the knocking out bit and what's a small chib Glum lady?" says I. ... Glum Lung replies," it will be a five centimetre incision just enough to get the tube in for the camera, we will take a small sample then drain off the shit, just sign this piece of paper .We will come for you first thing in the morning ".." Looking forward to it" ..Says I..cant wait
Next morning myself and my bed are winged downstairs into the cold room with no windows., yap yap ,to the very strange theatre nurses ,in comes. Mr Anaesthetic....HO HO ,Happiness and joviality ,golf golf golf talk... then we will knock you out... Do not worry ,it won't take long....I Tee off in an two hours at the posh golf rink HO HO whistle ..whistle.
Next... IN COMES DR SLAUGHTER .....eeeeeck!!!! gloves ,mask ,gin and tonic the lot .He gives me the long stare and says in a very posh accent " What leg is coming off...
HA HA " chocks away..spiffing ..slurp ..slurp
Right I am not calm now .I am out of here cunt..The Mr Slaughter replies." Do not perspire sir, Do not worry never fear all your bad bits will be out of here" ...and points to my head eeeeeeck!! Then it was count backwards from ten...Ten lights out, byee
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| Who do we have here? What leg are we hacking of today nurse the right or left? best to get the bad one off with first whack Sir ..what.. what.. old chap HA ..HA ..HO..Relax sick sir.. I am Mr Slaughter ,I shall be doing your removals today, do not worry you are in good hands sir,are you A religious person by any chance ,ho ho ho,Gin and Tonic Nurse,chop cop ha ha ha ..carry on |
The next thing I remember is the wee room with no windows,where am I ? Who , What, Where? Not sure? What's happening ? What's that noise ? recognised the toes
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| Hello toes,who' toes are you? what are you doing here? where is this place toes?do you know where my Stella is?I feel quite thirsty
All I could hear was a droll pumping sound and slurp,slurp slurp,bubble ...On the bed there's a clear plastic bag, what,s in the bag mmm? Three teeth,apair of glasses, a twenty pound sheet ,several goldies ,a lot of dross and a mobile phone.no sweeties,no beer, bummer I am choking on a swally.
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Jings who's that sorry sad looking fucker in the mask,the cunt must be a mason,what's happening? what's that noise?
Get ti....away and fuck off,get that mask ti fuck.
Where's ma beer ya shower of shite ,where am I. ANYBODY THERE ?.....well fuck off then..cunts... I am... ofski to....dont know ....somewhere...thirsty..Stella...
Whit!!! What the fucks all this shit? I need a pish,anybody there? well fuck off then,let me out of these tubes ya shower of shite....get this crap tae fuck......get the bars of the bed...I am not kidding I need a pish....no you dont....fuck off ....What Is all this shite ?.... fuckin tubes ..big tubes ..wee tubes.. fuckin wires... piss offf
Away tae fuck...who are you looking at ya mobile phone you ? fuckin face ache cunt ...fuck off...where am I.... who are you?....Oh your me on a phone ....well get tae fuck....what's that thing? .....Says press me
Fuck Me....check the size of that syringe Jeezus....what the fuck are they going to do to me with that fucker?... It says Press when required....fuck you ,I am pressing fuck all.... that fecker would drain you dry.....Thats it .I am off ....out of this torture chamber.... what's that written on the fucker ?
What is that ,What does tat say..Morphine...Neat..... Press As REQUIRED....mmmm? surely not ?????... Where's that fucking button ...Press.... buzzzing sound .... nice and warm
Nope Fuck all nothing happening, ooof its warm in here,Whit, could be doing with a fag now
Nope fuck all,waste of time that, all that effort to push that button then for fuck all,piss off...Any Cunt There ? I need a pish...No I don't....fu..fe..ow.....o..w..ffff... mmmm
Something happening now ....oooof.... gone all nice and warm...
Ha Ha ....fantastic...what..pffff ....its warm in here ...ooof
Think I will press that button again....jings its warm....whit...
Where's that button ,Push..Push harder..come on...What does that say.... maximum doses two per hour.... EH
Right no more scagg for me then for a while....had enough now ,feel fine...where's my fuckin Stella...get these bars to fuck of the bed,unchain me,ya fuckers ...I am Ofski.....Feel fine now...I am going home...and turn that fuckin machine off..where are my clothes..get that fuckin tube out my back...EH....?????..tube in the back..what the fuck is that ????what is fuckin goin on here..any cunt THERE....whats this fuckin tube doing in my back.. you can get that to fuck for a start...Hoy you cunt ..get in here..what the fuck is this shite all about.....
Then after another push of the button in comes my favourite nurse,her husband is..you guessed it..a Stone Mason. "How are you feeling?" she says " Well I don't fucking know ,to be honest with you,what is all this shite attached to my person and I need a pish..No I don't?"...says I ..."Dr Glum will be in to see you shortly ,she will explain everything,just press the buzzer if you need anything ." says nice nurse big smiles bonnie lassie...
OK Thank you very much says I
Waits hours go by ,well not according to the clock on the wall,it lives in a time warp,45 minutes ,takes two days acording to that fucked up thing,get yourself some batteries clock..I thinks...Am thirsty,very thirsty...So I pushes the buzzer for the nice nurse big smiles bonnie lassie....Buzz...Buzzzzzzz. Oh fuck it,s Hag Faced Cunt nurse that storms in " what do you want" yells Hag Bag," I am thirsty very thirsty,can I have a drink Please ???" "Fuck off she says you can,t have anything until 5 o;clock ,you will get some water then ,now shut up and stop pressing the fuckin buzzer " OH Whit... " feckin 5 Oclock ,its only half three.. foosty face cunt,and you can shove your water up your arse cow,where's my bag,there's four big Stella in there,roasting warm or not they are getting Malkied now" Screams I..Bad choice of , vocabulary..the stringing together of last few words gave the Hag Faced Cunt Nurse a clue to my intent.... The Four Big Stella... are now locked in the medicine cabinet at the side of my bed and I am hooked up to shit tubes and machines..as well as being in a cage.I need a pish..No you don't....Looks like press the button again time..pffffff. jings it;s warm in here
Years later in wanders Dr Glum "How are you feeling" says Glum" Fucking fantastic says I What's with the tubes. machines and shite ? "Dr Slaughter is just coming .He will explain the procedure and I will answer your Questions" Right OK says I ..Question....Do You Have A Key For The Medicine Cabinet,do not think..answer now.. Yes or No ?
 
Next In stoats the Slaughter fella....
" How are we old chap ...Ho Ho Ho.slurp slurp..Hit a few snags old bean, made the nick ,stuck in the camera,by jove ,blood everywhere, so had to make a slighty larger incision than at first discussed.Ho Ho jolly interesting stuff Enigma old thing... any how ...while I was in ..noticed a couple of healed broken ribs...jolly nasty ...had to go..so just whipped one out seen as your lung was deflated anyway ,ho ho....then just for good measure whipped of another bit of the old rib cage for a bone biopsy ,great stuff ho ho ha slurp slurp....any way got some biopsies from your lung ..Nasty nodules in there..consistent with Silica and Asbestos dust you Know...Very tricky stuff ,we shall have them sent for analyses .wont we Dr Glum.
Next point you're jolly old ribs have been rubbing against your lung ,jolly nasty much bleeding.this has caused many lung adhesions, your lung has been bleeding and sticking to your chest wall,must have been jolly uncomfortable, old thing... we could not get them all off during my removals... Oh and yes... the tube in your back does go into your'e lung.that is attached to that pump behind you and again to that jar ,it will pump out any nasty stuff that builds up in there.... ho ho... Last point Enigma chappie As we had to make a massive foot long incision in your back to play about with your lung and saw the old ribs out, we have given you very long lasting anasthtetics and jolly heavy doses of highly dangerous drugs ho ho ho,so you will have to stay with us for a day or two, The long lasting anasthetic will last for over a week ,but I can assure you sir that when they wear off....you will be in a great deal of pain...Ho Ho Ho....jolly good..slurp..carry on any questions ?
"Yes just one..Do you have a key for the medicine cabinet ?
To be continued
A wee link to a check-list for you and your doctor
http://www.sclero.org/scleroderma/symptoms/a-to-z.html
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Part 3
The Next Party
This is after the last bit so I called thisThe Next Bit ,Eyes Lungs and Kidneys
I had a couple of days in the Big Place
Byeee Ya saw happy, chib weilding , mutilating ,fucker .Says I.Thank you very much
"Could Be"..Says Dr Glum... "I can not labour the fact that You will be in a great deal of discomfort.. nay.. ...misery..total agony... you will be living in a world of pain ,excruciating pain......for months" Big Glum smile fom sicko....
Right ok Glum get the drift ya sad cunt ..methinks ..
".When the long lasting anaesthetic wears of and you do not have large quantities of morphine on tap, think pain..Do not get all Leeds United and start jumping about like the loony tune you are,or lift heavy things or build walls or pish on lampposts or hoover bla bla bla "..
"Hoover? don't be fuckin stupid Hoover??? fine not listening now your just being ridiculous .hoover!!! ,never hoovered in my life" says I "cut to the chase,is that me better now, cause I am Still purple,bloated and feel like shit ?
" Could Be".. But you shall attend Dr Lungs clinic on a weekly basis at the Baby Hospital just to make sure" Any Questions
"Only one.. Do you have the keys to the MEDICINE CABINET?"
Glum replies" You will get your medication when you leave and DO NOT DRINK ALCOHOL"
Fuck you... says I,...GIVE ME MY STELLA....Open the fucking cabinet aaaaaargh... faint ...ooof...I can not believe what I am hearing,
What Kind of cure is this ya freekin quack ... There is no such thing as cirrhosis of the lung, and I never have nor ever will, pour alcohol in to my lung ...This, is this feckin witchcraft ,what is this the dark ages ,remove your leaches forthwith charlatan ..Never I Say.. nay to this suggestion... Ignorant pretender ... Sober is not in my vocabulary..I. will never desist... Glum Doctor.... STELLA NOW.. hot or cold makes no odds to me,give me my Stella and So farewell ya Quack...
Goodbye to the big place Nice Party forgive me if I don't come back.Thank you very much for the pain and discomfort Says I
Gets home .. Stella Bliss NOT!!..Drink Stella ..Feel sick eeeeeeck,drink more Stella fall down ..Feel sick .double eeeeck.What is this..has this Quack spiked me with ANTIBUSE.? .surley no ..this would be a.most foul deed...Indeed
Then the red eye is back ,have become purple-er-er than purple,not moving,not good,much sore you are... says my brain parts..very tired and knackerd... must hurry to see Dr Lung and Dr Scary Cunt
 |
Welcome home Mr Enigma we have been awaiting your return ,says Dr Lung What shit ails you now?
Gets in to see Dr Lung",Welcome we have been waiting with much perspiration for your return...How do you feel now you now bi-ribless fellow"
"Fucking shite "says I.."check out my coupon...Check out the crazy seventies wallpaper pattern type rash ...Check out the eye ,,it smarts somewhat but really just popped in to see you for a cup of tea as I can not swally the Stella stuff.. have I been spiked ? "
Lung says " What ..an adversity to Stella.. in you..? surely you jest sir? you are ill Enigma and the eye eeeek,your place is not with me today, rush to see Dr Eye and I will arrange for you a scan and more tests. purple fellow" Thank you very much ..says I ..and nips down to see Dr Eye
At Dr Eyes Pad
Good morning welcome to the Eye Pad Mr Enigma I am Dr Eye what grief have you come about today?
"The red eye without drink good doctor ,it is really quite irritable,grief is not the word that I would use to describe
Let me see ,he mutters,mmmmm Very rare...Very bad....look ..look ..prod ..poke.with various lights and eye equipment.. have these David Bowie eye drops and wait out side until your pupil is the size of a 10 pence piece,wait outside for 5 minutes,I will call you back ..fascinating ..wonderful..very rare..very rare..Very bad... how exciting..hahahaha...
5 minutes later....back in ....to see the Eye fella .he he he...ha ha.prod poke big light..ooooho hoooo..very rare...
"Very rare it might be.. you sorry sad cunt,it might please you to know that its also very fuckin sore and the pain killers do nothing, I am glad it has cheered you up,what fun it must be for you".says I to Eye
"Of course they do nothing ha ha silly boy" laughs Crazy Eye "the nerves from the sclera go straight to your brain HA HA HA,nothing we can do to stop that,painkillers are useless,yes yes fasinating ..marvellous...You have Scleritis ho ho ho not Episcleritis you have Scleritis dear chap ,very rare,"He laughs...
"Big difference then between the Epy and the calm one then"says I
"Yes oh Yes you don't see much of this ,very painful,nothing we can do for you pain wise ha ha ha....very painful and it does not stop..magnificent,how exiting.
"How fabulous for you ya feckin headcase ,what now? I am peuckin up my bevy ,am purple, covered in the 70;s wallpaper rash and feel like shit...is it the eye?. Says I toEye ?
" No No ,it is not the Scleritis that's very rare...I have no idea why you are a purple peucker, but Scleritis is associated with very rare conditions,,ha ha chuckle...Now just take many of these steroids and come back next week"
" Thank you very much" says I to Eye ..see you next week ya deranged fucker Next I pops back down the corridor to Lungs gaff to see the very nice nurses and another Plobboobobotanist fellow, it seems that he also used to be a theatre nurse and amused me with more tales of carnage and mutilation from the operating table..while draining my life blood..super...Thank you very much says I...then of for a scan in the big doghnut..Have this drip for dye.. drip pumps through....I need a pish...no you don't...scan over....back to the lung who says " Go home now Enigma and await the results" Thank you very much says I ...See you next week..... Goes home and waits on the internet....I am still sure that I have Lymes Disease ..as spent years in no where land where the wild ticks live working for my very good friend Deranged Architect.....  More please Vasculitis ....milions of the fuckers like Kawasaki disease..eh Rocky mountain fever...eh.....Watson Stonecraft....thats the one..,I will choose to suffer from that one.....more ...more... reads them all... Next week goes to see the good Dr eye.... "ho ho ..incredible..very rare....very sore..how are you enjoing this Enigma?..hee heeee..its very bad ....must be very sore...direct pain to the brain...fantastic to observe ...ha ha,hee heee,Have some more David Bowie eye drops...then I can observe better.....nothing we can do for you..just keep swallowing the steroids ..see you next week. Thank you very much says I... see you next week ya raving psycho loony tune fucker A day or two later,gets a phone call from the good Doctor Lung..Results he says come Home
So off I goes..crawls up to Lungs Gaff...Totally Fuckin Fucked..El Cuntoed....Buggered purple.
"Sit down Enigma we have very good news...we have sussed your greifing ails"...He says with utmost confidence,grinning from ear to ear.
"We think that you have an inflammatory condition...It is very rare...hahaha..very interesting..how happy you must be "....
" Fucking ecstatic..says I ..I am listening cunt..continue to waffle...
Then he gives me the long stare and belts out "You have......Churg-Strausss Syndrome It Is a type of..."......BOOM!!!!!
"Right just fuckin shut up now" Senior fuckin doctor" says I..." there will be No more listening from me Shit Head...I do not have Churg- fuckin Strauss syndrome ya demented twisted fucked up fucker, because I have never ever had ...or ... intend to suffer from asthma.... just to fit your in with your fucked up diagnosis...I HAVE READ UP ON THEM ALL...IT WAS ME WHO TOLD YOU WHERE TO LOOK...Thick Cunt..you diagnosed fuck all....
I have had enough now..I would like to have a different vasculitis please..says I ...Thank You Very Much....get your computer out..I choose Polyarterius Nodosa of the microscopic type please...write that down please ..if you can write dull boy...send a letter now to Doctor Renal as I am in a hurry...Thank You Very Much ..Good By.says I....See you next week. and ..diagnose this...Cunt... Dendo te penedeo!..Ster corem pro cerebro habes ..Futue te ipsum !
( which is latin for..I laugh at you..you have shit for brains..go fuck yourself ) Thank you very much....
He went all quiet......"See you next week Enigma"....no laugh
I am an emergency now Dr Renal calls from the Big Hospital..the cutting and slicing shop...
"Hello Mr Enigma your'e cry for medical research....I mean assistance has been recognised... can you pop in to my labratory....tomorrow is good... can you pop in can you?
"Most certainly" says I thank you very much.. see you then Thinking.. another twisted psycho cunt here..what now
So I turns up for a facial appearance in the renal Laboratory.."Hell.. low.. you are"... says the renal desk"
"I am Enigma Desk"
"We have been awaiting you Enigma please be seated in this room with no windows...you may turn the light on if you are scared of the dark HA..Ha..ha.. he haaaa Dr Renal will dissect..I mean ..suddenly appear at any moment now HAAA..Ha ha ha he.
Do you have.. MUCH BLOOD....he he..Dr Renal likes BLOOD and lots of it Do you have MANY kidneys Dr RE........" Then the place sudenly illuminates...
"HELL ..LOW ...Enigma I am Renal...do not sit around in the dark..this is a bright and cheerie place.. let me take your'e blood - I mean coat..." I will explain to you in simple terms what is happening ..you have been found to have serious fucked upness in you blood and pish....
Your'e... PAUL ANCA'S ,MP3'S ,NUCLEAR ANTIFREEZES, GRANULAR SUGARS and OOMPAH LUMPAS..Are all fucked up...you have a Vasculitis..HA HA HA...we do not amuse ourselves on this subject here."
"Thank you very much" says I.."listening weirdo fucker elucidate on
"We do not know exactly what vasculitis you have so would like from you "....Listening cunt..says I....continue to speak.
"A gallon of pish"... "No problemo"......"lots of blood"...."OK says I....." And a biopsy"
"NOW JUST WAIT A FUCKIN MINUTE HERE"....Says I..".been here before with you cunts ...no biopsy.."
"But I am Renal...I need biopsy..you need biopsy...it will only be a needle in the kidneys"
Fuck you says I went for a needle in the lung with you cunts a few months back and ended up several ribs short....a foot long gash across my back..my insides removed for golf practice.. then rammed back in.... Then my lung blown up and down like a feckin party ballon...watch my lips cunto...NO FUCKIN BIOPSY..Whats the script this time eh ....ho ho ho popped in for a look ...very nasty..they seemed to be the wrong colour ..so....just whipped one out to be on the safe side..and the other for a biopsy sample....Piss off,.ya,Deranged,Psycho fucked up fucker...I go now".....No Thank you Very Much ..Says I
Three days later
The phone goes...Hell...Low...Renal here...can you come up to my labratory tomorrow....
And BRING AN OVERNIGHT BAG......eeeeeeeeeck......I would like you to meet Dr Needle eeeeeeeeeck..
To be continued....Again
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Part 4
At The Laboratory
The next bit after the last bitDr Renal and his Laboratory
I gets the Phone call" Hell-Low ..Enigma..I would like you to come up to my laboratory..My colleague Dr Needle is awaiting you in perspiration..bring with you an overnight bag..see you soon Enigma ...HAAaaa Ha ha..."
eeeeeeeeck says I.".My overnight bag will be somewhat lighter than usual as I will not need to pack the four Big Stella usually required for these outings.
My body is having an adverse reaction to the water of life ...The Amber stuff goes down ok it just refuses to stay there..I am not stupid ..I did try purchasing different products from different retailers just in case I had consumed a bad batch ..but to no avail...so relented ..I will need something to put in my bag now...but what? some clothes maybe...no..never needed any clean clothes before.. not much point in an overnight bag then is there.
I once again crawls to the big place,Purple,red eyed with no drink...crazy 70's wallpaper covering...knackered...fucked in fact ..takes the Lift to the lab ......
I goes to make the facial..."Good Morning Desk" says I
"Hell-low Enigma ..I am Desk....we are not quite ready for you ..YoU aRe eArlY....you will be in bed number 4 unit A ...In the bed number 4 we are now waiting for its present habitant to expire.He will not be long with us now......go now to the room with no windows...you may turn on the light if you are scared of the dark haaaaaa and lighten up this is a cheerie place Enigma..we will call you "
"Call me What ? ya twisted foreign fucker..I am not hanging about in there ..I am of for a fag and a tango wiil be back in 30 fuck face"
" These ciggaretoes will kill you Enigma..refrain from them now" says the Desk
"It seems to me I have a better prospects of staying intact with a 30 year long 20 a day habit than an overnight stay with yooze cunts..be back in 30 greetin cunt" says I
and heads of for a breath of fresh air.....30 minutes later back at the desk..
"Your bed awaits Enigma..go now with this Andean Aztec Ape like creature.. nurse..she speaks very little of the English but can weild a needle with much excellence...Dr Renal is on his way HAAaaaa ha he ha ha... He will explain your disection...eh.. your tests..to you..." says the Desk
I hops on to the bed and the silent South American thing points and pokes...takes my blood pressure says "Lye now..Renal will be soon"or something in foreign.. then fucks off...
Renal arrives " AH Enigma ..you are here..how are you? did you bring much BLOOD with you ..slever slever...and we will need all of your pish..We will start by taking lots of your BLOOD and doing things with it in the laboratory...we will then send you to the little doughnut once more and scan your entire body just to see how much Blood you have left...we will then lower your blood pressure so much you will be practically in a comma..then we will take more BLOOD .hahaha...
This will be a busy day for you..my colleagues are very interested in your parts...You will be visited by many students also...you are a must see exhibit Enigma...
Dr Vascular will be here soon..do not worry we share your blood and pish ..he will take nothing from you...Dr senior Eye will be seeing you with many students .you have a fabulous Scleritis..very rare...hee he ha Wonderfull... Dr Room at the Ology .will attend you also to prod and poke...The children from the school next door will also be coming to see you starting with Class 1b .do not worry they will be supervised and will not throw bananas at you.....You are fascinating Enigma...You will fast tonight and tomorrow meet Dr Needle who will take your kidneys ...i mean biopsy sample..there will be not much pain involved ..I hope
Once Again I ask you to sign these papers ..just to say that we can use you for medical research ..and if you die under any circumstances we can have all your bits HAAA Ha ha ha ha
My colleague Dr Senior Renal wishes to talk with you also..but he does not come out until after dark..you are in good hands now..."
Next in comes EEEEEEEEEck
.
Dr Senior Renal.....Run.....
"Aha Mr Enigma I presume ? I see that you have Wonderful Scleritis we like this.. its very rare..can we have your eye to look at?..is it very sore? quite painful?are you in agony? I have so many questions...you have so much to see..my colleagues are queuing outside to prod and poke you ..fantastic..never before have wee seen anyone who has so many simultaneous and concurrent conditions that is still breathing under their own volition..astonishing dear chap... can I poke Now" poke away Says I.. I am glad that I amuse ..mad fucker...and I would rather that I stayed within Eye contact with my Eye if that's alright with you... Senior Whacko...Thank you very much...
 |
| Gather round....poke and prod at this subject ..he has tumultuous greif .take notes while he is mostly Intact |
Next.. who are these cunts? Its the School from next door accompanied by Dr Senior Eye...
"Mr Enigma" He says.... my word ..Wonderful Scleritis..is it sore...exceptionally painful?its very rare.the pain goes straight to your brain you know astonishing example..in full bloom also.. outstanding....Gather round students and check this cunts eye out..you wont see many like this in your careers..a wonderful example"
So all 120 of these fuckers stick lights in my face poke and prod..then in comes The vascular squad accompanied by Senior Dr Vasc...
" Mr Enigma ..how wonderfullllllll..these are my students ..we have come to prod and poke you all over ..but must say you have a wonderfull Scleritis..is it really painful? ..
Right Vasc ..says I .".Never mind the fuckin eye..prod and poke away but get on with your own bit..I am at present completly ignoring my eye...it is living in silence at the moment and does not wish to see any cunt...So prod just prod away at my vascules if you don't mind " they prod..they go..
Next Dr senior Bowel and his mob.
Aha Mr Enigma..says the Bowel..."Gather round children..this is a very interesting example.he has had the old BT cable roll shoved 30 meters up his jacksy previously and we have a most excellent video of his internals, amazing shots of the Biopsy and polyp removal..there was lots of BLOOD.and he was also concious during the procedure. and still able to hand out advice..on the procedure..he can answer many questions..take notes children..can we prod Enigma ?"
"Prod away says I...and yes children I chose to stay awake during the making of this video as soon as I heard the word Biopsy .I did not mind the discomfort and enjoyed the video ,I got to view it on the 40 inch plasma screen during filming..I felt quite calm at the time knowing that I had a the final say in its outcome"
Fantastic Enigma says Bowel "again children gather round..notice this most wonderfull Scleritis..take a look children..is it very painfull Enigma"
Right had enough" Just Fuck off now ya shower of fuckin degenerates,take your creepy weirdness elsewhere .go now ,no more fuckin proding piss of twisted cunts NOW.
.
Then in comes the Room at the Tologies..Mr Enigma.Students this is Enigma..a fascinating study..notice the wondeful Scler....."
BOOM says I "Right Fuckin out .the lot of you..now out...no prods ,no looks,no pokes just Fuck off.. out ..out I am going for a fag now..had enough ..get to fuck..with the look at the lovely fuckin sclerits ya sad bastards OUT
A fag later and calmness prevails for 20 or 30 seconds .just sat down and in comes the happy smiling face of the Andean Monkey Matron cunt "I have Blood now,open your drip...
No arguing ..you not ...now.. with me..you not fag now ..you blood..and pish ..here..now...you scan..you lye..." The hag commands .
Fuck me at least the Hag faced bag cunt at Respitory could speak English..well at least she could speak ..this THING just grunts..
Then I am off to the Donught....Drip in.. machine on..dye in..I need a pish..No you don,t..scan over...back to bed.
Then back comes Renal...OK Enigma..we have most of what we need now our laboratory is full of your crap..we have analysed.poked and prodded .smelled your pish ,cut out your bits.but one thing is left to do..the final piece of the puzzle...Tonight you will fast ..tomorrow Dr Needle will take more bits at 9 Olock.relax now."
" Thank you very much say I looking forward to it,cant wait"
Tommorow comes,The Peruvian fuck faced hag bag is on " Nighty Gowny now on.. you no fag..stockings you now.bed lye"
Thank you very much says I..I will lie now.
.I will definitely not go out for a fag!...watch this bed ya ugly fuckin moaning faced Andean cow..and read my lips .. Fuck you..and off..comprende ugly cunt..I am not going down there till nine retard its only seven.Go now.
Nine oclock comes.the bed and I head for the cold room with no side opposite the day clinic waiting room. fantastic.Tests .blood pressure..Thunderbirds are go ..into the sewing room to meet the Needle eeeeck
Gets in to the computerised trolley then in comes Dr Needle no pleasantries just.".I will explain your perforation Enigma..you will lie there and shut up..I will then take this huge fuck of needle and stick it in your back..there will be various degrees of discomfort as I mutilate your kidney..I will take three samples ..one for biopsy testing..one for research testing and the third just because I enjoy my work..Understood..? would you like some music on to drown out your screams..I would ..Wagner nurse..continue....
Then he turns round with this...eeeeeeeeeck ...faint
What the fuck is that says I ..that is not a needle thats a serious chib duder .three samples of that equates to two livers worth ya cunt ,no way Hoseay my kidney is young and tiny ..it would be muchly aggrieved if I allowed you to take most of it out with your chibber good doctor ..I have decided to withdraw my kidney from the battle field.
To late he says you are now strapped to the bed and perforation has begun Take That...OUCH..now That...eeeeeee...and That .oooowwweee..
You will go upstairs now and lye on your back for 2 hours..then sit for 2 hours then you can get up for 2 hours..for the next month do not get all Leeds United and jump about like a loony tune..build walls ,lift heavy things..pish on lampposts or Hoover...
Another cunt..whats with the fuckin hoovering bit ya mutilating fucker,told you all before don't hoover..I am not allowed any where near a Hoover neither cylinder or upright .. any time I even look at a hoover the plastic dust containment units end up spread around the four corners of the earth , the filter is missing and they crack when being reattached by myself..it is to costly for me to Hoover good doctor..but just as a matter of interest...what has hoovering got to do with the price of bread and a kidney biopsy .twisted fucking mind..prey enlighten me I am genuinely interested.
Under no circumstances must you hoover..not never..not ever...do not even think about it
Dr Needle replies." This guidance that I utter comes from this NHS book on how to talk crap to patients in distress these are coverall guidelines for people of both big and small stature,male or female,hoovering is one of the things on the list.
OK this may be so.. Says I."The writing you must read aloud... But what does fuckin hoovering do to fuck you up ?cunto brain WHAT is the danger in a hoover
OK Fuckwit says Needle I shall expand " Lifting and bending is the point in question,you have just had three 5 centimeter chibs whacked out of your kidney ..therefore if you lift stretch or bend using exertion you may tear these lesions and bleed to fuckin death " he yells UNDER STAND now you fuckin retard.
Thank you very much.. says I...most eloquently phrased and in plain English... I shall heed your advise and desist from Hoovering..
Back to the lab and the Gruesome grunter..." lye you must...lye no move.. lye I tie ...you lye now no fag... no move.snort snort..
The batteries in this clock are time warpped also 2 hours is a long time..2 years later I unhooks my restraints and sits up ..relief..
Not for fuckin long in runs the Andean monkey cunt.".lye you lye fckuceins lye In the downwards pesti cunto wonker man" It yells
"No thank you says I ...two hours have past psychotic ape I shall rise to the near vertical"
"Sex hours you lye pesti cunto man no more upwards you lye now" she says
" Please unhand me hound " Says I ... I have decided to forgo your offer of fornication hideous crone excitement for one day I have had enough of but a sandwich and cup of tea would be wonderful as I have not shoved a morsal in my coupon since 6 oclock yesterday. says I thank you very much.
"you Lye pesti lye now move NO...teasses and notting nes til the 5's in the clock pesti cunto man"Grunts hideous bag
"Fine says I ,at five I shall remove my stockings and leave this unearthly place ..if you would like to bring for me my medication and my retard letter i will be ofkski" hideous one leave me now at the vertical"
Then The Renals Arrive Both of Them eeeeeeeck the crone unhands me and flees
Enigma says the Senior We have discussed you ailing greifs.with every one and any cunt..you have a most excellent collection of chronic complaints.. We are pleased to accept you in to our research fascility.You are in demand good Sir
The good news is that... You have- Microscopic- Anca Vasculitis ..wee shall deal with this at the clinic with the most dangerous of medication but .the little cells have been hard at work you must go to others for the rest of the shit this has caused
Wee have written a book of chronic complaints you will now frequent the laboratories of this country on a weekly basis ..meet your team...
Myself DrSenior..himself Dr Renal
Dr Eye
Dr Vascular
Dr Room at Theology
Dr Orthopaedics
Dr Podiatry
and any other cunt that would like to pop in most wonderful to have you
Thank you very much ..says I ..can I fuck off now
to be continued ...
